Raise Jokes

You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
My relative said, "You can reach the fan if you raise your arms" I replied, "Of course, I always reach out to my fans.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.

Not so fast
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
How Experts Ask for a Raise An Austrian maid asks the wife who employs her for a pay raise. The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about this raise. She asked, “Now Anna, why do you think you should get a pay increase?" "Well, madam, there are tree reasons why I should. The 1st is that I do iron better than you." Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?” Anna: “Your husband he say so.” Wife: “Oh yeah?” The second reason: “Annaeez that I am a better cook than you.” Wife: “That's a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?” Anna: “Your hozban he did.” Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?” Anna: “The third reason is that I am better than you in bed.” The wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth, asks, “And did my husband say that as well?” Anna: “No Madam… The gardener did.” A moment of silence passes... "So... how much do you want?”
What do you say to you, me, and our dogs getting together sometime to raise the ruff?
In High Demand Employee: "Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?" Boss: "Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?" Employee: "Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years." Boss: "Yes." Employee: "I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first." Boss: "A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time." Employee: "I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade." Boss: "Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?" Employee: "Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!" Boss: "Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?" Employee: "Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!"
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
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