Picked Jokes

The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Rick was constantly picked on by his friends for being a tall person. One day he just exploded and shouted, "I know I am so tall that it makes all you look like Lilliputs."
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. The picked up the phone and said,
"Urology department, can you hold?"
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”

- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.

My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
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