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Picked Jokes

Travel Puns
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.

My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
Funny Money Quotes
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
Mushroom Puns
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Ancient Rome Puns
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
Funny Break Up Lines
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Strawberry Puns
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”

- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
Phone Puns
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Onion Puns
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Yard Puns
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. The picked up the phone and said,
"Urology department, can you hold?"
Funny Work Quotes
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
Father Puns
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
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