Pair Jokes

Why did the belt get arrested? Because he held up a pair of pants. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
You’re like a pair of goggles; without you, everything’s a blur.
There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.
He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He’d never forget that terrible day.
He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
”Who could have done this terrible thing?”
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
”Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.” (Albert Van Hoogmoed)
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
I knew this gift would make you smile,
It's perfect for your many adventures,
Now you can take a bite out of life,
With a pair of brand-new dentures.

(Kevin Nishmas)
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
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