News Jokes

Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Girlfriend wants to get married...
This came as startling news, I don't want her to!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
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