A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Guy: "Whats the bad news?" Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy." Guy: OMG, and the good news? Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.
Art Dealer: "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them." Painter: "Wow! What's the bad news?"