News

An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.

Art Dealer: "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them."
Painter: "Wow! What's the bad news?"

Art Dealer: "He was your doctor."
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Tina Fey
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
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