Human

What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
70 percent of the human body is made up of water and im very thirsty.
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p.e.n.i.s?
The spine.
What do you get when you mix 50% human DNA with 50% goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.