Figure Jokes

"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
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