Coming

As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story...*
I'm planning an orgy.
It's all coming together.
I was attacked by a man in the street, he started throwing words at me that began with 'TH'
I dodged this, there and then but i didn't see that coming.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
There once was a man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double
And instead of coming...he went.
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back, and no we don't know Y.
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Company coming?
And your house is a big mess?
Just put on lipstick.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”