Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time." Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash. It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
There once was a man from Nantucket, Who kept all of his cash in a bucket, But his daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
A poor man takes a stroll on a Friday evening. As he's walking, he's thinking about what he can do to get some extra cash in his life.
Suddenly, a puff of smoke appears and out of it steps the Devil himself!
He whispers, terrifyingly, "Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"
The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money he could pull out of the ATM on 27. He is shocked when he actually wins!
Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The latter is silent for a moment and then says again, "Take all your money - all that you've won - go inside and put them on 27!" - "Again?!" - "Yes! Do it!" - The man quickly yields, goes in again, puts all the money on 27 and ... wins again!
Now everyone in the casino is amazed, they check the wheel, nope no tilt or bias (and it was outputting numbers randomly before), seems like genuine luck, reluctantly he's given almost two hundred thousand dollars and leaves elated. Outside he meets the Devil again who again tells him to go put everything on 27, the man is shocked but does so, and wins for the third time!
And now he's given most of the casino's bank, millions of dollars, walks out shining like a star, and says to the Devil, "I don't know why people say you're the most sinister being there is, you've been so kind to me today!!"
The Devil gives him a pained look and says: "You know something? You are the luckiest son of a gun I've ever bloody seen!!!"
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Subscribe and REMOVE ALL ADS
LOVE our articles but HATE our ads? For only $3.89 per month, enjoy a seamless, ad-free experience that lets you focus on what matters most — enjoying all of our content, uninterrupted. 🔒 100% Secure Payment 📅 Cancel Anytime, No Strings Attached Unlock a cleaner, faster browsing experience today and gain the freedom to navigate without visual clutter.
Ready for a Ad-Free experience? Upgrade now for just $3.89/month!
To enable your Ad-Free Subscription, please fill the fields below
Thank you for your subscription!
Your subscription was successful, now you can enjoy an ad-free experience!! Note: To make sure you get no ads, please make sure to log in to your account. If you are logged in already, then refresh the page. The subscription can be cancelled at any time.
Login
Already registered? Enter your email address and get full access.