Bones Jokes

Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
3 Men in Heaven The Day of Judgment came, and all the people in the world who were worthy reached heaven, where the heavenly angels divided them into men and women. The angel Gabriel was revealed before all the men and ordered them to stand in two rows; One would be all the men who had retained their strength in the relationship, and the other - men who had surrendered to their wives. Meanwhile, the women were taken elsewhere, apparently to pass their own test... Of course, as soon as the women disappeared, most of the men immediately made their way to the first row of men who stood their ground, did not give in and wore the “pants” in the house. But under the scrutiny and judgment of the angels, they slowly began to wander to the second line of the submissive men. So it went on for a long time until finally there were only three men left in the first row, while the second row lengthened and extended beyond the horizon. Gabriel looked at this scene with a very disappointed look and turned to all the men: "You should be ashamed of yourself, you were created in the image of the Creator, and the woman was created from your bones, but you have allowed yourself to let her rule over you, only these three men are exceptional and I am sure they can teach you a thing or two." “Hey you,” he said to one of the three men, "How do you describe your relationships? How do you feel knowing you are one of the most special men in the world?" "The truth?" answered the man, "I was lonely or stuck in unhappy relationships all my life, and now that we are here, my greatest regret is that I did not treat women better." The surprised angel did not lose his enthusiasm and hurried to ask the other man how he described his relationships in life. "All my life I've gone from relationship to relationship, I've never found love and I've always wanted to change my ways and treat women better, now I can never do that ..." he said and burst into tears. The confused angel hurried to the third man. "Please tell me, you seem quite satisfied and relaxed, what’s your secret, how did you manage to be the only man in the world who controls his relationship, that stands his ground, doesn’t give in to women, and still looks so sure of himself?" "I'm sorry but I don’t have an answer for you," said the third man. "I'm just standing here because my wife told me to wait here and not move until she comes back ..."
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”

- Adam Smith.
The Bungee Jump in Mexico Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know David, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." David thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps... He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the David notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, David isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, David misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, David finally catches him this time and says, "Arquette! What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy lifts his head weakly and says, "No, the cord was fine. But David, tell me... what the heck is a piñata?"
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