Broken

There once was a girl from Hoboken,
who swore her cherry was broken,
from riding her bike,
on a cobblestone pike,
but it was really broken from pokin'.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
I've had bad luck with European women:
Ginger Vitis -- such bad breath
Anna Phalaxis -- kept fainting
Anne Gina -- broken heart (her brother-in-law Arthur Itis was such a pain)
Di Abetes -- too sugary sweet
Pam Creatis -- made me sick to my stomach
Lauren Gitis -- too quiet
Rose Acea -- A bit rash for me
Yo Momma so stupid she returned a jigsaw puzzle because it was broken.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
My bed's broken, can I sleep in yours?
When I got home from camp today,
My parents almost died.
They asked me how I got this way,
And here's what I replied:

This little cast from heel to hip
Is nothing much at all.
Some broken shingles made me slip
From off the dining hall.

The poison ivy's not too bad.
It missed my back and chest.
Of course, I guess I oughta add
Mosquitoes got the rest.

I tried to eat some hick'ry nuts
And cracked a tooth or two.
And all these bruises, scabs, and cuts?
I haven't got a clue.

I got the lump that's on my head
From diving in the lake.
I should've watched for rocks instead
Of grabbing for the snake.

That leaves this bandage on my chin
And these three finger sprains,
Along with lots of sunburned skin
And sniffles from the rains.

I also got a muscle cramp
And very nearly drowned.
It's some terrific summer camp,
The coolest one around.

(By Richard Thomas)
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?