Broken

It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Broken pencils are pointless.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I’m not gonna die the same way.
When I got home from camp today,
My parents almost died.
They asked me how I got this way,
And here's what I replied:

This little cast from heel to hip
Is nothing much at all.
Some broken shingles made me slip
From off the dining hall.

The poison ivy's not too bad.
It missed my back and chest.
Of course, I guess I oughta add
Mosquitoes got the rest.

I tried to eat some hick'ry nuts
And cracked a tooth or two.
And all these bruises, scabs, and cuts?
I haven't got a clue.

I got the lump that's on my head
From diving in the lake.
I should've watched for rocks instead
Of grabbing for the snake.

That leaves this bandage on my chin
And these three finger sprains,
Along with lots of sunburned skin
And sniffles from the rains.

I also got a muscle cramp
And very nearly drowned.
It's some terrific summer camp,
The coolest one around.

(By Richard Thomas)
A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Darn thing's an hour fast."
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
There once was a girl from Hoboken,
who swore her cherry was broken,
from riding her bike,
on a cobblestone pike,
but it was really broken from pokin'.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.