It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.