What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
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