George is playing fetch with his dog by a lake. He throws a stick out on the water and the dog trots out atop the water, retrieves the stick and walks back to him. George is flabbergasted. He throws the stick again. And again, the dog trots out atop the water, gets the stick and brings it back. The man can hardly believe his eyes! Bursting with excitement, that evening he goes to his neighbor's house, Bill, and invites him to come down to the lake the next day, hoping to show off his amazing dog. Once they arrive, the man throws the stick out into the middle of the lake. Just as before, the dog trots out on top of the water, grabs the stick, and trots back. Bill watches calmly and says nothing. George throws the stick again. The dog walks on the water, gets it, and returns. Still, the neighbor remains silent. Unable to contain himself any longer, George asks, "So... did you notice anything unusual about my dog?" Bill rubs his chin and replies, "Yeah, I noticed. He can't swim, can he?"

A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage. Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God. "Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don't let my husband find out." Suddenly she hears a voice from above: "Alright my child, so it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning." The woman hesitates at first but then responds, "Okay My Lord, if it means he'll never find out, then so be it." The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however, she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God. One day she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is struck with grief and begins frantically praying to God again: "God, you're not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?" A familiar voice rumbles: "Are you kidding me? I've been working to gather all you cheaters here for years."

Naomi had a reputation for being nasty, which followed her all the way to the gates of St. Peter. “You said some pretty awful things to your husband,” says St. Peter. “Like when he bought that sharp-looking hat.” “I’m sorry,” says Naomi, “but that thing made his ears look enormous.” St. Peter shakes his head. “And the skinny jeans? He’s got the legs for it.” “I’m sorry,” she says, “but I can’t get past his bony knees.” He sighs. “And the beard? Big fans up here.” She shakes her head. “Look,” says St. Peter, “if you expect to get past these gates, we’ll need a genuine apology.” Naomi takes a breath. “I’m sorry.” “Good,” says St. Peter. “…but with feet like that, you really shouldn’t wear open-toed sandals.”

A man walks into a bar, orders a bourbon, neat, and downs it in a single gulp. “How big is a penguin?” he asks the bartender. The bartender says, “Around 18 inches.” He orders a double bourbon, neat, and gulps it down. “What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?” The barman frowns. “Three feet, maybe an inch or two more.” The man orders another double bourbon, neat, and gulps it down even quicker. He sighs. “I may have run over a nun.”

A visitor in the hospital is walking through the newborns room. He looks at one baby and smiles: Man: 'Hi, I'm George. What's your name?' Baby: 'Alex.' The man looks at him in shock. George: 'When were you born?' Alex: 'Three days ago, at 6:20 P.M.' George: 'Who are your parents?' Alex: 'My Mom is Laura Princeton, she is a programmer, in room number 6. Dad is Thomas Princeton, an engineer, should come visiting in three hours.' George: 'Amazing! How do you know all that already?' Alex: 'Well I wasn't born yesterday, you know.'

Bobby had just bought an incredibly shiny pair of shoes and was very proud of them. Curious about just how shiny they were, the not-so-decent Bobby decided to put them to the test. He went to a bar and approached a woman in a dress. “Excuse me, ma’am,” Bobby asked, “are you wearing green underwear?” Surprised, she said, “Yes… I am. How did you know?” He grinned. “I must be wearing the shiniest shoes in the world.” Feeling confident, he walked up to another woman, wearing a skirt. “Excuse me, are you wearing red underwear?” “Yes,” she replied, shocked. Now fully convinced of his shoes’ brilliance, he approached a third woman in a dress. This time, he hesitated . “Excuse me, ma’am… are you not wearing any underwear?” “No, I’m not,” she said. “Why?” Bobby let out a huge sigh of relief and said, “Oh, thank God. I thought there was a hole in my shoe.”