A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
You know what they say? Words.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Knock knock.
Come in.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Go to BabaMail
