What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
You know what they say? Words.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
Go to BabaMail
