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peppers Jokes

peppers Jokes and more.
Food puns
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Quotes
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'”
Claude Pepper
Pizza Puns
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”

…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
One Liners for Kids
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Hot Dog Puns
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Puns
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Spice Puns
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Fish Puns
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Food Poems
She had so many chances
Yet she kept muffin it up
Butter intentions were good
Just not much coffee in her cup

Couldn’t make a good decision
Too much waffling back and forth
Always peppered with doubt
Should she head south, no maybe north

Still, she was fun at a party
I would say, hummus a tune
She’d say, Icing because I’m happy
As the words began to croon

Maybe that’s what’s most important
Omelet let her off the hook
So she’s always in a pickle
Doesn’t do things by the book

Once again, I’m gonna help her
Since she is such a good egg
I said, girl, you’d go much farther
If you weren’t such a nut Meg

(Mike Gentile)
Mouth Puns
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Bed Puns
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
If You're Outdoors, Wear a Bell Please
"Important Announcement: In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
Boat Puns
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Seal Puns
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Water Puns
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Hummus Puns
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:

"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."

He was not impressed.
Funny Aging Quotes
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
Dog Puns
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Food Quotes
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
It's So Cold.... One Liners
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
Ghoul Puns
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
Funny Tongue Twisters
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Salt Puns
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Appliance Puns
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."