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lima beans Jokes

lima beans Jokes and more.
Pea Puns
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Spain Puns
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
Giant Puns
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Vegetable Puns
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Funny Limericks
There was an Old Person of Dean,
Who dined on one pea and one bean;
For he said,
"More than that would make me too fat,"
That cautious Old Person of Dean.
The Genie, the Waterfall and Their Last Wish
An Englishman, an American and a Japanese are doing white water rafting, when all of a sudden they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies. The American steps up first. "I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra and a gospel choir." "It will be done." says the genie. The Japanese goes next. "I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soy beans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelettes. And please....provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends." "It will be done." says the genie. The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear 'Just send me over the waterfall before the bloody song starts and the food gets here."
Onion Puns
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Food Quotes
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
Taco Puns
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Kitchen Puns
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Prison Puns
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
Appliance Puns
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Winter Puns
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
Love Puns
I have bean thinking about you.
I have bean
thinking about you.
Puns
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Unicorn Puns
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Coffee Puns
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Easter Pick Up Lines
I’ve been looking for you, and I hope you’re as sweet as jelly beans.
Nature Puns
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Tableware Puns
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Lightning Puns
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
The Trucker and the Waitress
A trucker came into a truck stop coffee shop and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
Mexican Pick Up Lines
You're rice and I’m the beans. Together, we’re a combo plate of bueno.
You're rice and I am the beans. Together, we are a combo plate of bueno.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?
Funny Family Poems
"Fun Grandpa"

My grandpa knows, the art of the laugh,
So many jokes, but reveals only half.
We’ll enjoy, those fun random talks,
He makes fun of things, during our walks.

Hilarious moments, he will readily find,
Walk into a wall, and pretend to be blind.
Whenever I see him, he’s sporting a smile,
Mr. Bean had a much better style.

A serious illness, for jokes he will fake,
Moments later, random faces he’ll make.
Seems like grandpa just wants to have fun,
At church, he tried, to pick up a nun.
Tiger vs. Dog
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he is lost. Wandering about he notices a tiger heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching tiger. Just as the tiger is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man! That was one delicious tiger. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the tiger halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror overcomes him and slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the tiger. "That was close. That dog nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the tiger. So, off he goes. But the dog sees him heading after the tiger with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the tiger, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the tiger. The tiger is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving dog." Now the dog sees the tiger coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another tiger, and he's still not back!" The tiger ran away.