Jokes > Search Results > lettuce

lettuce Jokes

lettuce Jokes and more.
Tableware Puns
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Nice to meat you, now lettuce salsa.
Mushroom Puns
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Vegetable Puns
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Heart Puns
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in; it’s cold out here!
Bacon Puns
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Penguin Puns
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Rabbit Puns
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
Zombie Puns
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Bear Puns
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
A Quick Thinker
A grocery store employee is working in the produce department when a customer approaches and asks to buy half a head of lettuce. "You can't buy just half a head, we sell them whole." says the employee. The customer responds "Go get your manager, and I'll ask him." So the employee goes to his manager and says "Some a$*hole out there wants to buy just one half of a lettuce head..." when he realizes the customer is right behind him. However, he immediately turns and without missing a beat, he gestures: "and this fine gentleman would like to buy the other half!" After the customer leaves, the manager says "That was pretty quick thinking, tell me about yourself. Where are you from?" The kid says "I'm from Brazil." "So why didn't you stay there? Isn't it a beautiful country?" "Yea, but the place is full of either soccer players or sluts." Said he kid. "My wife is from Brazil!" growls the manager in sudden anger. "Really?" Asks the kid without losing a beat, "What team does she play for?"
Garden Quotes
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
Running Puns
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
The Hungry Tenant
A man rents a room, and pays extra on the condition the landlady prepare his work lunch every day. So on the first day, she packs him a sandwich on normal sandwich bread, using the last night's leftovers of meatloaf, adding in some fruit and a bottle of soda. When he comes home, he politely tells her that it wasn't quite enough food for him. The next day, she makes two sandwiches (turkey this time), and adds a container of salad, some crackers and peanut butter, and a slice of cake. That night, he told her most apologetically that while the food was delicious, he found himself still hungry, and could she possibly put in a little more tomorrow? The next day, she uses long slices of sourdough bread to construct a pair of huge sandwiches, and includes crackers and peanut butter, chips and dip, and veggies and ranch dressing, and a whole 2-liter of soda. That night, he smiles very kindly, and tells her it was almost enough food. The next day - throwing caution to the wind, and idly wondering if she's feeding his entire workplace - she cuts a loaf of bread in half and stuffs it with pounds of meat and cheese, an entire head of lettuce, tomatoes, onions, other vegetables, sauces: everything! That night, he fixes her with a dry look and says, "So, I see we're back down to one sandwich?"
Garden Puns
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Food puns
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
Salad Puns
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Food Pick Up Lines
Lettuce go on a long drive.
Meat Puns
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
One Liners for Kids
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Lettuce Puns
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.