Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.