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banana Jokes

banana Jokes and more.
Beach Puns
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
The Three Bananas
A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner approaches him. "What would you like for your last meal?" "I would like a banana please." The executioner thinks it's weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, such an act of divine intervention means you get released. A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After a while, the same executioner from last time approaches him. "You again? Dang! What do you want this time?" "Two bananas please." The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There's no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time. Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacerbated, the executioner approaches him for the third time. "Let me guess. Three bananas?" "Actually yes! How did you know?" "Too bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry." So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. "I don't get it," says the executioner. "I didn't let you eat any bananas!" "It's not the bananas." Sighed the prisoner. "I'm just a very bad conductor."
An Animal Game of Poker
In a part of Las Vegas humans don't know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas... and arguing. Lion: "Stop taking glances at my card, you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "No, you're a Lion!" Warthog: "You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices." Elephant: "Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGING all the wings!" Warthog: "Tell that to the dude who thinks eating them will make him fly." Ostrich: "You can't talk, you snort off of the table. Also, will we just ignore the fact that one guy ate all the bananas?" Monkey: "Give me a break, I can't even get dinner protein after they fixed all the bugs in the slot machines." Giraffe: "Why don't you just steal leftovers from random plates like I do? You just lean over." The Dog at the table looks at all of them and rolls his eyes. "Ugh, I knew I should have played with my usual crowd!"
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling
Rock Puns
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Funny Break Up Lines
Let’s make like a banana and split.
One Liners for Kids
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
There's a New Doc in Town...
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." "Hmmm," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately." "You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps." As they left, the elder doc said, your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it? "Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Orange Puns
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Summer Puns
Why do bananas like to use sunscreen?
Because they peel!
Cycling Pick Up Lines
Are you a banana? Because you're great at the splits.
Fruit Puns
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Food Pick Up Lines
You must be a banana because I find you very a-peeling.
Breakfast Puns
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Australian Pick Up Lines
I'd take that cackhanded banana-bender on a walkabout
Monkey Puns
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Food puns
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Cherry Puns
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Fly Puns
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Gorilla Puns
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
The Ugly Baby
Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting next to her turns to her and says, "Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it's going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby's head. That baby is just ugly." The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. "Conductor, this man has insulted me." "I'm so sorry, ma'am," the conductor replies. "What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We'll give you a nice seat in the first-class carriage — and a banana for your monkey.
Divorce Puns
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
Pear Puns
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Banana puns
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Pick Up Lines
Are you a banana because I find you a peeling.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA!