Weeks Jokes

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
The Retiring Rabbi A rabbi is planning on retiring from his main occupation, which is giving circumcisions. Over the years he's saved up all the foreskins from all the circumcisions he's taken part in. He looks at them and decides to take them to the local leatherworker to see if something can be made of them. The rabbi explains that he'd like to have a retirement gift made out of the foreskins and the leatherworker agrees and tells the rabbi to come back in a couple weeks. A couple weeks later the rabbi comes back and the leatherworker hands him a wallet. "All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?!?" The rabbi exclaims. The leatherworker replies, "Don't fret, if you rub it a bit it becomes a suitcase."
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit
It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy