"I heard some dictator wants to move the Earth further from the sun."
"Because it will take longer to make a full revolution."
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
She's like the heel of the bread: everyone touches her but nobody wants her.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Why is Jupiter so sad and heartbroken? Because his crush wants a plutonic relationship with him.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.