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Throw Jokes

Garden Quotes
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
Food Poems
If life is like a box of chocolates,
is it rude to ask for candy?
Can you really say with certainty
that you even understand me?

When life hands you lemons
I think you'd better run.
Cause life can throw a curve ball
and hit you just for fun.

I can do without the chocolates
You can keep your lemons too.
Life is what you make of it
not what it makes of you.

(Sarina McConnell)
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
Knight Puns
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Pig Puns
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Food Quotes
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
Kitchen Puns
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Pea Puns
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Animal Pick Up Lines
Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

- Reese Witherspoon.
Peach Puns
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
Toilet Paper Puns
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Bathroom Puns
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
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