Everything

Is everything wrong?
Are you the only one right?
Time to see a shrink.
What did the detective say after finding a calculator?
"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."
My wife sighed, “Why does everything have to be a game with you?”
I replied, “An excellent question, my dear. But next time, please use the buzzer!”
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
"Oh, man! A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed EVERYTHING!"
A Zen Monk is talking to a hot dog vendor.
"What will you have?" asks the vendor.
The Monk says, "make me one with everything."
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!

Electricity: Keep talking smart guys...
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell.
It was the wurst.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.

"In Grease, of course."
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.

He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.

I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.

His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...

I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.

(By Christian M. Mitewu)
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.