Everything

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
A Frog Outta Luck
A Frog Outta Luck There's a frog who has a unique kink: He falls in love with human girls. Of course, no human girl will touch him. Desperate, he goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."  The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"  "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
They say everything gets better with age.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Everything is Bigger in Texas
Everything is Bigger in Texas A blind man is unafraid to travel and experience new things around the world. Eventually, his travels take him to Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is huge!” “EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!” says the bellhop cheerfully. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow, these drinks are enormous!” The bartender disclaims: “EVERYTHING is big in Texas!” After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and the poor guy falls right in. The few swimmers there were shocked when a man suddenly popped his head up from under the water flailing his arms and screaming, “Don’t flush, DON'T FLUSH!!!!!”
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.