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New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep
New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep: Read less. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Watch less T.V. on the small screen and buy a bigger one. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. Watch more movie remakes. Procrastinate more. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. I will become a vegan for a day and subsequently learn that it was a missed steak. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future. Drink. Drink some more. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials. Start being superstitious. Spend more time at work. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
I read dead people.
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
Better read than dead.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.