Read

I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
You have so many pimples blind people find your face a fascinating read.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep
New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep New Years Resolutions People Actually Keep: Read less. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Watch less T.V. on the small screen and buy a bigger one. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. Watch more movie remakes. Procrastinate more. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. I will become a vegan for a day and subsequently learn that it was a missed steak. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future. Drink. Drink some more. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials. Start being superstitious. Spend more time at work. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!
I read dead people.
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
Better read than dead.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Revenge of the Melon Farmer
Revenge of the Melon Farmer There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read: "Now there are two!"
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
I had my dad proof read an essay of mine back in High School. He said my grammar was a little funny.
Apparently I need to work on my pun-ctuation.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.