Pressure Jokes

“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
At a recent job interview, the hiring manager
asked me if I can perform under pressure.
I said: "No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
You've heard of high about thigh pressure?
You give me a high pressure system…in my pants.
One look at you and my barometric pressure rises.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
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