Planet Jokes

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
What planet does a seal live on?
If I was a planet and you, my moon! I’d stop spinning just by looking at you.
When this planet is invaded by the aliens, I’d still hold your hand.
I’m like planet Neptune. I’m attracted to the gravitational pull from Uranus since it is so big, and I cannot lie.
Your eyes glow just like the twin suns on my home planet.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”

- Jerry Seinfeld.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
A Human Loving Alien An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things. The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees a nearby alien and asks, "where's the pub?" The alien gurgles back but his suit translates to the astronaut in real time. The alien says, "just around the corner!" The astronaut heads around the corner and sees it! It's labelled "The Keyboard" and he asks the bouncer, "Why is it called the Keyboard?" The bouncer replies, "the boss loves all things human and changed his name to reflect that. Ask him, he's the bartender." So the astronaut enters the Keyboard and goes to the bartender. "Excuse me, do you own this pub?" The astronaut says. "I do." The bartender gurgles back. "Why is it called the Keyboard?" The man asks. "Well," the alien gurgles in reply, "since I knew you humans were coming I updated the name!" The astronaut is on the edge of his seat... "The reason it's called the Keyboard is because it's a space bar."
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.

Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
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