Much

Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.