Member Jokes

Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
Were you a member of the Boy Scouts? You’ve tangled up my heart.
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.
“Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,” she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies, ”Sure!”

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, “I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.”
In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And there’s him lying naked on the couch.

"ah..." he says. "Surprise?"
Are you a member of a Girl Scout? Girl: No. Boy: Then why you knew how to tie my heart into knots?
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
I wish you something, just can’t remember,
Don’t be upset, you’re my family member.
It was clearly, on my mind,
With so many thoughts, it’s hard to find.

Visions appear of colorful balloons,
In the background I hear those fine tunes.
Near the end of the dream, I can taste a delicious cake,
It must be your birthday, as I awake.
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
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