Mad Jokes

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
My love for you is as crazy as mad cow disease.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
"Humor is reason gone mad."
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
The Angry Passenger
The Angry Passenger A man stepped onto the overnight train and asked to speak to the conductor. Upon meeting him, the passenger told the conductor, "I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I'm a deep sleeper and can be kinda grouchy when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here's $100 to make sure!" The conductor agreed and they shook hands. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. "I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!" "Wow," another passenger said to his traveling companion. "Is that guy angry!" "Yeah," his companion replied. "Still... not half as angry as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia."
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