Live Jokes

"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
If I live to a hundred and two, I won't let nobody sting me but you
A Desperate Prayer A grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. Theyโ€™re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. โ€œOh God, please bring him back! Please let him live, in your mercy. I'll do anything and worship you forever!โ€ Almost immediately, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfatherโ€™s feet. He scoops him up in a huge hug, crying with relief. Then he stares up at the sky and says, โ€œHe had a hat.โ€
โ€œIโ€™m glad I donโ€™t have to hunt my own food, I donโ€™t even know where sandwiches live.โ€
โ€• Unknown
โ€œYou only live onceโ€ฆ Lick the bowl!โ€
โ€• Unknown
โ€œUnless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.โ€
โ€• Bill Murray
โ€œBirthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.โ€ - Larry Lorenzon
โ€œAging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.โ€ - Kitty Oโ€™Neill Collins
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"If Iโ€™d known I was going to live this long, Iโ€™d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
โ€œThe secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.โ€โ€”Lucille Ball
Do you live on Mars? โ€˜Cause you look out of this world.
I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
There's a New Bull in Town Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows." Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "Ahhhh... actually I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend." Second Bull: "I.. I have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few." They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting. First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish - let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a BULL."
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