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Hurt

Bone Puns
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
I had a colonoscopy recently and believe it or not getting the camera up there doesn't hurt as much as you might think.
It's the crew that's the killer.
The Risks of Anal
The Risks of Anal A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal se*, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea  'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.  'Actually, yes, I do.'  'Does it hurt you?' he asked.  'No. I rather like it.'  'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice butt se*, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'  The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal se*?'  'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?"
Sun Puns
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
Nose Puns
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Tree Puns
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Anti Jokes
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Ski Puns
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
Head Puns
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Water Puns
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Arm Puns
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Quotes
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
Leg Puns
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Funny Poems
Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)
Alien Puns
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
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