Grocery Jokes

I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead."
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:

"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."

He was not impressed.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.
I still don't know if I like self-checkout.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Man: Do you work at the Bakery, cause you have a nice set of buns.
Woman: Do you work at a Grocery store? Then why are you checking me out?
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
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