Giving Jokes

Can I bother you for an aspirin tablet? Just looking at you from across the room is giving me heart-related pains.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
Giving me your number sounds like a fair trade.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
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