Giving Jokes

"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Giving me your number sounds like a fair trade.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
Can I bother you for an aspirin tablet? Just looking at you from across the room is giving me heart-related pains.
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