Fine Jokes

“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.“
— Oscar Wilde
I'm arresting you for breaking the 8th amendment because you...are excessively fine!
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Honey, if you were a space station, you’d be called Deep Space Fine.
Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
Damn, girl, you’ve got some fine yams.
If you were coffee grounds, you’d be espresso ’cause you’re so fine.
Are you an overdue book? Because you have fine written all over you!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.
The Farmer and the Pig Food A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around". The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The next day another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies: "Oh the pigs? Only the finest products sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses and hand picked salads!" The man is shocked, he says "Sir, that food is way too rich for them, they'll get sick! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The third day another man approaches the farmer again and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves."
Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!

It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was fine and dandy!

Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!

"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.

(Kim Merryman)
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