Salad

I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
This foundation is rock salad.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
The Farmer and the Pig Food
The Farmer and the Pig Food A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around". The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The next day another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies: "Oh the pigs? Only the finest products sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses and hand picked salads!" The man is shocked, he says "Sir, that food is way too rich for them, they'll get sick! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The third day another man approaches the farmer again and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves."
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
Miles Kington
What do you call a hospital ward full of epileptic vegetables?
Seizure salad.