Touch Jokes

“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”

- Jarod Kintz.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Do you play the guitar? Because you can touch strings of my heart
Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
If you shave your legs as well as that fennel, I can't wait to touch them.
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

- Jr. Williams.
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
A Frog Outta Luck There's a frog who has a unique kink: He falls in love with human girls. Of course, no human girl will touch him. Desperate, he goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."  The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"  "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
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