Everyone Jokes

An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
You must be a magician, because everytime I look at you, everyone else disappears.
Are you a sorcerer? Because everyone else vanishes when I look at you.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
The Problem With the Light Switch Recently I was having trouble with my light switch so I called for the maintenance guy. An old grizzled Chinese man arrived shortly after and inspected the switch. He stated that the light switch was working perfectly fine but noted that indeed it was not working as I had said. "This is not a job for just one person. You need more people to help you." He said, so I got my wife to help. Still no good. "More people" he said as he saw it still not working. So at that point, I got my son and daughter to help as well but still no luck "Many more." He said. Luckily the neighbors were home and after a quick discussion with them I had the whole clan from next door over to help. In total there were now 11 people, plus the maintenance man in the lounge. At this point the maintenance man tells me to get everyone to touch the switch and to try it again and sure enough, it worked. I was flabbergasted and asked how and why this had worked now where it wouldn't before with just myself. He replied "Many hands make light work."
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy