Ears

Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.

Yeah but what about the ears?

You never heard of mountaineers?
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.

What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think –
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
The Physics Oral Exam
The Physics Oral Exam The Physics professor decided to test the new students with a simple question: "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously light." "Alright, why?" "Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound" The professor sighs and gives a you're-an-idiot look. He moves to the next student asks the same question. "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously it is sound." "Uhhh what?? Why do you think this?" "Well when I turn on my TV, I first hear it and then comes the picture." Extremely annoyed the professor is now a bit pissed off. He believes that maybe the question is too hard for these pea brains and tries to vary it. The next student he asks "You are on the foot of a mountain. On the summit there is a cannon being fired. Do you first see the light of the fire or do you first hear the sound?" "Obviously you first see the light." Slightly hopeful the professor says "YES and why is that?" "Well the eyes are obviously further ahead than the ears."
A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a plum stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
God gave us two ears, two eyes, two legs and two hands, but he only gave us one heart, and he wanted me to find you and tell you, you are the second one.
Yo Mama so stupid she put two M&Ms in her ears and though she was listening to Eminem.
Yo Momma so stupid she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
I'd rather have Fingers than Toes,
I'd rather have Ears than a Nose.
And as for my Hair,
I'm glad it's all there,
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
There was an Old Man of Madras,
Who rode on a cream-coloured ass;
But the length of its ears,
So promoted his fears,
That it killed that Old Man of Madras.
A Night With an Alien
A Night With an Alien One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having s*x for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having s*x with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his thingy became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his thingy became longer. The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine. “And how about the Martian woman?” The farmer replied, “She was ok, but my ears are killing me.”
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Yo Mama so ugly her mama put rubber bands on her ears so that people would think that she was only wearing a mask.