Ears

How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
A Night With an Alien
A Night With an Alien One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having s*x for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having s*x with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his thingy became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his thingy became longer. The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine. “And how about the Martian woman?” The farmer replied, “She was ok, but my ears are killing me.”
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
The Physics Oral Exam
The Physics Oral Exam The Physics professor decided to test the new students with a simple question: "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously light." "Alright, why?" "Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound" The professor sighs and gives a you're-an-idiot look. He moves to the next student asks the same question. "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously it is sound." "Uhhh what?? Why do you think this?" "Well when I turn on my TV, I first hear it and then comes the picture." Extremely annoyed the professor is now a bit pissed off. He believes that maybe the question is too hard for these pea brains and tries to vary it. The next student he asks "You are on the foot of a mountain. On the summit there is a cannon being fired. Do you first see the light of the fire or do you first hear the sound?" "Obviously you first see the light." Slightly hopeful the professor says "YES and why is that?" "Well the eyes are obviously further ahead than the ears."
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.