Ears Jokes

What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save the rest for last.
Are you a chocolate bunny, because I want to nibble on your ears first than eat you full.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Mr. Know-It-All
Mr. Know-It-All A Physics professor had a student that was always late and always had an answer or an excuse. He decides to ask him a few questions in front of the class and put him on the spot. "Tell me, Michael, What is faster, light or sound?" "Well light, obviously." "Alright, why?" "Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound" The professor sighs and gives a you're-an-idiot look. He moves to the next student asks the same question. "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously it is sound." "Uhhh what?? Why do you think this?" "Well when I turn on my TV, I first hear it and then comes the picture." Extremely annoyed the professor is now a bit pissed off. He believes that maybe the question is too hard for these pea brains and tries to vary it. The next student he asks "You are on the foot of a mountain. On the summit there is a cannon being fired. Do you first see the light of the fire or do you first hear the sound?" "Obviously you first see the light." Slightly hopeful the professor says "YES and why is that?" "Well the eyes are obviously further ahead than the ears."
A Blonde at the Burn Ward
A Blonde at the Burn Ward It's a regular day at the hospital when a Blonde woman comes into the burn ward with both of her ears burnt. The doctor in charge had never seen an injury quite like it. "How did you get both sides burnt like that?" He asked her. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone." "Well that explains one ear," said the doctor, his eyebrows raised as high as they can get, "but what about the other ear??" "Well, I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save your behind for last.
My ears are not the only things that are long!
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
My wife is all ears.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
A Night With an Alien
A Night With an Alien One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having s*x for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having s*x with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his thingy became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his thingy became longer. The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine. “And how about the Martian woman?” The farmer replied, “She was ok, but my ears are killing me.”
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
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