Biggest Jokes

I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful

(William Cole)
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
"Going out with you would be my biggest break since the rural juror."
- 30 Rock
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”

- Paul Reiser.
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