Jokes > Tags > Ass


I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Stop trying to be a smart ass, you're just an ass.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
Yo Mama so stupid she stuck a phone up her ass to make a booty call.
Your ass is so nice, it's a shame you have to sit on it.
Are those space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
There once was a man from kanass,
Who's nuts were made out of brass.
in stormy weather,
he'd clack them together,
and lightning shot out of his ass.
Yo mama so fat when she's going on an airplane, she has to pay baggage fees for her ass.
Yo momma so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.
Yo mama so fat she pulls her pants down and her ass is still in them.
Yo mama so fat she needs a GPS to find her ass hole.
Yo mamma so fat I told her to haul ass and she had to make two trips.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
A Swan Shan't Be Friends With a Pig
A Swan Shan't Be Friends With a Pig A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch. However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said: 'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.' 'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile. The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student. At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question: 'You're walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?' 'The gold.' 'Unfortunately, I don't agree. I'd choose cleverness because that's more important than money.' 'Everyone would choose what they don't have,' says the student. The teacher turns red, and he's so angry he writes "ass" on the student's paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says: 'Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!'
Learning to Cuss
Learning to Cuss The kids learn to cuss . . . A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss". The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios". WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know", he says, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
Man: Are those space pants.
Woman: No!, They're softball pants because my ass is out of your league.
Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!
Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone? Because I want to hit the pound button all day long.
Is your name Tanya? Cuz I'm gonna tan ya ass.
They're called "eyebrows" cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass.
Hey do you have an inhaler? Cause I heard you got that ass ma!
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."