Almost Jokes

I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
Girl my taste buds almost always craves for chocolate but now it craves for you.
Hey, was your daddy a barista because you are ALMOST what I ordered.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
Wearing heels almost makes you the same size as other people on the face of earth.
The weather is almost as beautiful as you, m'lady.
Damn! You're almost as hot as my sister/brother.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn.
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