Jokes > Tags > Almost Jokes

Almost Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
Weather Pick Up Lines
The weather is almost as beautiful as you, m'lady.
Crow Puns
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
Funny Parenting Quotes
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Hey, was your daddy a barista because you are ALMOST what I ordered.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Damn! You're almost as hot as my sister/brother.
Pea Puns
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Phone Puns
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Family Puns
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
Tableware Puns
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn.
Utensils Puns
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Funny Money Quotes
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy
Contact us | Help | About us | Terms | Privacy policy | Categories | Archive | Collections