Absolutely Jokes

Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Babe, you look absolutely better when you take that wrapper off of you.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Hi, my friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't. I think you're absolutely gorgeous.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
Are you a time traveler? Because I absolutely see you in my future.
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
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