It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.