It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
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