If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
This Joke Starts With an Elderly Couple At a Travel Agency
Two elderly people are spotted by a travel agent at his agency's window. He promptly invites them in and discusses sending them on a dream vacation...
Tennis Comedy: These Interruptions Stole the Show!
These players thought they would only have to deal with their match, but the circumstances ended up getting real funny!
Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
When grandma and grandpa are watching the evangelical preacher on the TV, they try to heal themselves of their ills by touching it. It doesn't go so well...
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
FUNNY: I’m Guessing These People Don’t Believe in Safety
These people clearly don’t care about safety.
Hilarious: This is Why They Call Them "The Golden Years"!
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Here are 37 funny pictures of seniors who decided to enjoy life to the fullest and not let concepts like “polite” and “decent” stop them!
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
Hilarious: This is Why We Love Kids...
There are a number of reasons we love kids! It isn't just because they laugh out loud most of the time or look great in photos - they also make us laugh...
16 Parenthood Comics That’ll Make You Roll In the Aisles
These witty comics show the funny side of having a family and parenting
Hilarious: Only in Dubai...
Dubai is a unique country, and offers some sights you'll probably never seen anywhere else in the world...
The Funny Realities of New Year's Resolutions
New Year’s Resolutions can be fun or annoying depending on the way you look at them. These funny comic strips take a dig at the tradition.
You're Never Too Old To Have Fun! These Seniors Prove It
There may be some seniors who'd rather take life slowly. But others, do not want to waste a second having fun.
These Mistranslations are Too Funny Not to Share
Enjoy this hilarious collection of ridiculousy bad translation fails.
14 Hilariously Creative Doormats that Crack Me Up!
‘Welcome’ is certainly not the only thing a doormat can say, as these hilarious and unusual doormats show...
Classic Comedy: Lucy Goes to Work at a Chocolate Factory
What happens when Lucy and Ethel go to work at a factory?
Ready to Laugh? The Best Senior Jokes in History!
No wonder they call the golden age the happiest time of your life....
Construction Fails Around the House Are Just Hilarious
It seems like no-one is hiring builders and handymen these days, and this is evidenced by photos such as these! Here are 15 of the latest construction fails.
Hold My Ladder: Hilarious Safety Pics
These people really don't believe in following any safety measures whatsoever!
These Vintage Cartoons Will Make You Scream With Laughter!
If you're looking for a good laugh, then these snarky vintage illustrations by artist Anne Taitor have certainly got your covered!
These “Police Officers” Have a Great Sense of Humor
Police officers can have a great sense of humor too, as you will find out in this hilarious compilation.
Are You Old? You'll Know It If...
There is some debate about when you can actually be considered old. Let's make it real simple. If you find these funny, you are probably old...
Funny Signs Galore - We Can’t Stop Laughing!
It’s the perfect time to lighten the mood with a fresh batch of funnies!
WATCH: This Rude Act Shows the French Will Cook Anything
The last thing you’d expect from a Burlesque act is two French men and a set of frying pans. This video is too hilarious not to watch.
Food and Humor Collide in These Cheeky Restaurants
These restaurants have a cheeky sense of humor!
Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
Watch this video compilation of animals and pets getting into funny situations.
Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
This western is so funny and breaks all conventions. Only watch if you don't mind foul language!
These Dogs Clearly Overestimated Their Physical Abilities...
Watch the hilarious video collection of dogs who fail at being dogs.
These Witty Responses to Public Notices are Hilarious
Check out this collection of 15 petty notices along with their extremely hilarious responses!
Classic Comedy: The Three Santas...
The Three Stooges all dressed up as Santa Claus in Arabia
Hilarious: The Wackiest Car Designs I've Ever Seen...
These car owners sure know how to make their vehicles stand out on the streets.
Had a Bad Day? It Can Always Be Worse!
Forget about the bad day you think you're having - these poor folks got themselves into some serious fixes. Take a look at these hilarious photos.
This Demonstration Went Really Wrong. LOL.
These people just didn't know their own strength!
Have You Ever Read a Sign Or Notice and Thought... WHAT!?
Sometimes you see a sign or notice and you just have to do a double take. These 18 utterly hilarious spelling fails will have you laughing all day long!
These Talking Animal Cartoons Will Have You in Stitches
Ever wondered what animals are talking about? Well, thanks to these hilarious drawings by Jimmy Craig, your wondering can stop.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown and Her Naughty Situation (Rude)
We come back to our favorite foul mouthed lady in this hilarious sketch.This will definitely get you laughing!
These Photos Are so Ironic You'll Howl with Laughter!
The pictures you're about to see are so permeated with irony that they are scarcely believable. Here are 29 of the most ironic pictures you'll ever see.
Classic Comedy: Patience is a Virtue... or IS IT?
When this man was walking down the street, something caught his eyes...
Hilarious: These Cat Comics are Just What I Needed...
These hilarious one-panel comics perfectly illustrate the life of cats.
Safety Is the Last Thing on Their Minds – Funny Pics
Looking for some humor? Check out some hilarious pictures of safety fails.
These House Design Decisions Are Criminally Bad!
It’s hard to believe these weird houses actually exist!