To: Customer Service
From: Little Emma
Subject: Issues with the “Mom” Product (Model 2019)
Hello,
I’m reaching out regarding the Mom I ordered. I received her back in 2019 after waiting nine months, and at first, I was quite happy with the model and pleasantly surprised by the quality. During the first year, she worked great,very responsive, gave me lots of attention, and not once left me alone. But in the last few months, something’s changed. It feels like there’s a malfunction in the unit I got…
Let me give you an example:
Back then, if I cried even a little, she’d immediately come rescue me from that barred prison I have to sleep in every night, take me into her bed, and cuddle me until I calmed down and fell asleep. But now? No matter how loud I cry in the middle of the night, she just yells from the other room: “Go back to sleep,now!”
Look, I get that maybe I wore the product out a bit. And maybe letting me sleep in the parents' bed in the first year was just a promotional feature (way too tempting, if I may say so). But I thought like most deals, you could extend it to three years,so what’s going on here? Did I miss some fine print?
Also, I noticed that during the day, she just freezes or goes into some kind of standby mode,and I didn’t even press anything!
There was a time when just one whimper with a few tears was enough to unlock hugs and concrete solutions like ice cream or chocolate. Now? All I get is an eye roll and total disregard. If you ask me, it's probably a battery issue… or maybe a software glitch, because it seems like the more dramatic I get in public (especially at the mall), the less she cares. Have you come across this kind of bug before?
Another thing that really bothers me about this Mom is her communication system, it’s completely unreliable. For example, she always asks: “Are you ready to shampoo and soap up?” And I always say “No”, because I hate it,but she doesn’t seem to understand, because next thing I know I’m covered in white foam that always gets in my eyes and burns. I’m so over it! It also ruins all the beautiful drawings I make every day on my arms and face,and I work really hard on those, believe me.
What’s most frustrating is that this only happens when I say “No”. I swear, I’ve never once said “Yes” to a diaper change either, and yet those keep happening too. I just don’t get it.
Now that I’m older and discovering new and fascinating things about the world, I like to go deep and do them over and over again. But Mom? She seems to have a real problem with my repetitive preferences. And that’s odd, because when I got the catalog of moms before I was born, this model was clearly described as “very routine-friendly.”
She knows that every evening I love watching my animal show, especially Episode 7, which is my favorite. So why did she get mad when I only watched it 7 times tonight, when usually I watch it 10 or 12 times?
That’s it, I think I’ve explained most of the issues. I hope you have enough material now to put out a better software update soon. If it helps, I’ve got plenty more ideas for improvements, like permanently removing the following phrases:
“Be patient,”
“Don’t eat that,”
“Share with your brother,”
“Only one snack per day,”
and the absolute worst:
“Are you ready to shampoo and soap up?”
Sincerely,
Little Emma
