My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?

There was an Old Man of Kildare,
Who climbed into a very old chair;
When he said,-- "Here I stays,--
till the end of my days,"
That immovable Man of Kildare.

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.

Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.

(Unknown)

There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'

There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so excessively thin.
That when she assayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.

"Family Likeness"

"You're just like them!" they say.
And me, I yell, "No way!
He's so moody,
She's so shrill,
His chin juts out,
Boy can she shout!
His nose is big,
And mine's quite small
There's no resemblance at all."

But then on days of harmony
I find that I agree.
Our family is made of different parts,
But we're all the same
In our hearts.

– Alison Jean Thomas

When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?
When it's stood in the doorway of the barn.

An elderly man called Keith,
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair,
He'd forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
(Anne Scott)

It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.

You may have crossed fifty
But mum says you are still nifty

You may have aged a bit
But young, is your spirit

You may have become weaker
But in your mind, you are stronger

Here’s a birthday wish for a dad
Who by heart, is still a teenage lad.

How many birthdays does it take for someone to realize they aren’t funny?
I know I’m not funny just laugh so I feel good... it’s my birthday.

A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her birthday.

She rejects them all.

“Well you tell me what you want then.”

“I want a divorce.” she replies.

“I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.

One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, "We got 'em!"

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.

Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?"

Little Johnny: "Big hands!"

After I won the game I decide to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

What kind of cat always crosses the road?
A jaguar.

Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

My love life is like a game of minesweeper.
I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.

If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.

It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.

How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.

There four things we simply cannot choose in this life
1. Our parents
2. Our nationality
3. Our physical attributes
4. The Russian president

My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting
He didn’t like id., et al.

What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes

My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...
I'd have 60% gross margins.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.

It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."

My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally.
The police get mad at me because that’s apparently considered “kleptomania.”

When you tip the ketchup bottle,
First will come a little, then a lot'll.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
No one knows. But the road will have its vengeance!!

I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit.”

Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?
Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.

"Who’s In?"

“The door is shut fast
And everyone’s out.”
But people don’t know
what they’re talking about!
Say the fly on the wall,
And the flame on the coals,
And the dog on his rug,
And the mice in their holes,
And the kitten curled up,
And the spiders that spin-
“What, everyone out?
Why, everyone’s in!”

– Elizabeth Fleming

Please wine me and dine me,
Please show me a good time,
After all, I’m a lady,
And I even can rhyme!

The was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs,
To her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."

Hey! Get lost wasp you are a pesky swine
This cherry ice cream is mine ALL mine

You buzz around and make my life hell
Look - this ice cream is for ME it tastes so swell

I need to cool down, gee here it’s really hot
So buzz off pesky wasp or you will swat

(Jan Allison)