One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say

I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.

Cold turkey was the only way to do it.

There was an Old Man who said, 'How
Shall I flee from that horribke cow?
I will sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow.'

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.

When I got home from camp today,
My parents almost died.
They asked me how I got this way,
And here's what I replied:

This little cast from heel to hip
Is nothing much at all.
Some broken shingles made me slip
From off the dining hall.

The poison ivy's not too bad.
It missed my back and chest.
Of course, I guess I oughta add
Mosquitoes got the rest.

I tried to eat some hick'ry nuts
And cracked a tooth or two.
And all these bruises, scabs, and cuts?
I haven't got a clue.

I got the lump that's on my head
From diving in the lake.
I should've watched for rocks instead
Of grabbing for the snake.

That leaves this bandage on my chin
And these three finger sprains,
Along with lots of sunburned skin
And sniffles from the rains.

I also got a muscle cramp
And very nearly drowned.
It's some terrific summer camp,
The coolest one around.

(By Richard Thomas)

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me, he would have an extra $50.

"I Can Rise And Shine"

I can rise and shine, but not at the same time,
You’ll have to pick one, or you’ll miss all the fun.
It’s the wrong side of the bed or the pounding in my head,
It must be all that beer, but there’s nothing to fear.
For despite my bad smell, I plead you not to yell,
And though I am lazy, please don’t get all crazy.
After all, I’m a man; I’m a male, just a guy,
And you knew what you were getting into when you gave us a try!

I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.

One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger's shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.

Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

"What's the the best thing about living in Switzerland?"
"I don't know, but the flag's a big plus."

What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.

It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Why did the doctor cross the road?
Hard to say really. Could be any number of reasons.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Oh, I wish I were a glow worm,
for a glow worm's never glum,
'cause how can you be grumpy
when the sun shines out your bum?

(Taylor Russell)

An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored — how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.

I was gonna tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

Wife: "I'm pregnant."
Me: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No you're not."

It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.

It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.

A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.

Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!

I have inner beauty.
And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.

What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.

I told my bully he was just a child having an existential crisis.
He said “I know you are, but what am I?”

What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?

Have it killed and then cran-bury it.

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.

Why did the alphabet cross the road?
To get from Point A to Point B.

I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.

He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"

I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."

Why did the spy cross the road?
Because he was never on your side.

It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."

I promise to love you
When your jokes are not funny.
I promise to love you
When you have no money.
I promise to love you
When you’re sick and all snotty.
I promise to love you
When you’re angry and grotty.
I promise to love you
When you’re drunk and unruly.
I promise to love you
When you’re hungover and drooly.
And I promise to love you
When you drive me ’round the bend.
I promise to love you
Because you are my best friend!

The kids are rumbling and tumblin'

Grandpa's snoring and a grumbling.

The football teams are taking a knee,

On Grandma's big screen t.v.

The leaves outside are turning yellow

'Cause winter's coming to say hello.

The aunts are all fussin' in the kitchen,

Wait a minute, it must be Thanksgivin'!

I found some internet history from my wife on my computer where she'd typed "how to leave husband". It got me really worried.
How did she find out the password to my computer?

We are often greatly bothered
By two fussy little men,
Who sometimes block our pathway –
Their names are How and When.
If we have a task or duty
Which we can put off a while,
And we do not go and do it –
You should see those two rogues smile!
But there is a way to beat them,
And I will tell you how:
If you have a task or duty,
Do it well, and do it now.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
I have Alzheimer’s Disease, Cheese on toast.

It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Alone in his pen.
Sits solemn and scared,
For they 'did in' his hen.

They took her off Sunday,
Then snuffed out her life.
And now he's alone,
Cause they've eaten his wife.

Thanksgiving now over,
He preens with relief.
He can muster a gobble,
Along with his grief.

He pecks round his pen,
For some 'scratch' sprinkled there.
Grows quite happy again,
Not remotely aware . .

That Christmas is coming
For family and friend,
And for Christmas, at dinner;
They'll eat turkey again.

- Diane Lefebvre