The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend.
It totally ruined our bath!
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
April Fools! I'm not really dead!
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
What kind of hunt is a marriage? One where the trapped animal has to buy the license.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
There was an Old Man who said, 'How
Shall I flee from that horribke cow?
I will sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow.'
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Two sociologists are sitting by the pool. One turns to the other and asks, "Have you read Marx?" to which he replies, "Yes, it's these damn wicker chairs."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot,
In a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him a dollar.
Then I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.
Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.
(Kevin Nishmas)
There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
Who went by the slow rain to Weedon;
When they cried, 'Weedon Station!'
She made no observation
But thought she should go back to Sweden.
What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players?
Soccer players pretend to be hurt.
NFL players pretend to be innocent in court.
My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more intercourse would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...
that I'm in the control group.
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Name the child's favorite Christmas king? A stocking.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
I want to hit you with a car.
Throw you off a tree so high.
Hope you break your neck and die!
Twinkle Twinkle little star.
Go to heck, it isnt far.
I almost got caught stealing a board game today.
But it was a Risk I was willing to take.