[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Case in punt
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
For instant fun, just add water.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Guy: Have you ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.